I don’t feel like I have a substantive faith. I’ve been let down by my expectations about God too many times. I know these expectations aren’t God, but they are my concept of God, and as such, dictate what I’m putting my faith in. When one of these flimsy expectations shatters and inevitably lets me… Read more

I grew up as the bully’s target. I got searing put downs for my glasses, for my grades, for my lack of interest in sports. One bully went as far as to make fun of the fact that my mom died when I was two. It was incessant and hurtful. One of the times when… Read more

The office was small and cramped. A desk took up most of the room, but there was a couch. White, if I remember correctly. I was sitting on it, talking to Jerry. As he faced me, we discussed this thing I was doing. Maybe it was a church plant; perhaps it was just an alternative… Read more

The Utah day was sunny, not too warm. I was feeling well and enjoying it. I prayed my rosary as I walked, which I often did in my early twenties. Everything seemed right in the world. As I prayed, “The whole earth is filled with his glory,” my eyes fell on the dead, decomposing bird on the… Read more

I believe in hell. The hell I believe in is empty, though. Hell has been harrowed and sits as nothing more than a mausoleum memorial to the universal salvific power of Christ’s love. It is a shadow, a memory, with no power to terrify or threaten any more. Hell is a no place, a no… Read more

The evangelical church in the United States of America is on fire. This isn’t the fire we prayed for, sang about, and worked towards in youth groups. This isn’t being sold out for Jesus, being all in on faith. This isn’t being on fire for God. No, this is a dumpster fire, a Gahanna, a… Read more

The gatekeepers of this world stand proud, haughty, wielding power to keep their authority absolute. They keep people deemed unworthy, outside, marginalized, and unless you meet their strict criteria, you too become one of the shunned. Filled with ideas of propriety and decorum, the gatekeepers dictate when hoops you must jump through, what rules you… Read more

 It took me a long time to admit I wasn’t evangelical anymore. My theology was shifting—on days with exceptional clarity, I saw it had already shifted—further and further away from what I had had been taught was orthodox. I didn’t take the Bible completely literal anymore, let alone hold on to Sola Scriptura (the belief… Read more

I used to lead worship. What I mean by that is I used to be responsible for the music portion of the service or bible study or event at church. For years, I carefully curated (and sometimes crafted) songs to help people praise and worship God. I don’t know how exactly to describe what worship… Read more

I wonder if God ever gets anxious. Like not worried or nervous, but anxious. It’s that gut-wrenching feeling, the pit in your stomach, the racing heart, reticulating thoughts, shallow breath, “Oh God, am I going to die” feeling of a panic attack. Ya, that anxiety. It might seem silly to think of divinity as having… Read more